Rethinking Things He Never Knew
by SARXII
Summary: It seemed to be a normal fight between the two men, but that couldn't have been further from the truth. L hits his head and wakes up with no recollection of who he is, sending the task force upside down and Light head over heels. L/Light.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: **So this is the beginning of my new and first L/Light story! I hope that you guys like it and leave me lots of reviews:) Please enjoy!

**Rethinking Things He Never Knew**

**kagomes-wanna-be**

**Chapter One:  
A Couch**

Light stifled a groan as he attempted to continue his assigned research. The years he had spent studying for hours on end paled in comparison to the strenuous, tedious work he found himself doing day after day. How L could always do this he'd never know. The man would simply stare and stare, read and read, until he finally decided that no matter how many times he read the documents no new information would show itself.

Finally, Light couldn't stop himself from speaking. "Ryuzaki, perhaps we should take a break."

"It is none of my business what Light-kun does," L retorted, clicking away at his keyboard.

"But it is," Light argued, "considering how you are my boss. And these," he added, shaking the chain that connected them to one another.

"Perhaps I should restate myself and say that I do not wish to make Light-kun's laziness any of my business."

"Lazy?" Light asked, holding down the twitch in his eye. "Ryuzaki," he spoke calmly, "I doubt that wanting a ten minute break to rest my eyes after days of nearly non-stop research qualifies as 'laziness.'"

"We do not work 'non-stop'," L corrected. "If we worked 'non-stop' then we would not lose those 6 or more hours every night to your sleeping."

Light let out a disgruntled sigh and rubbed his eyes. "Forgive me for being human."

"Asking for forgiveness for trivial or unavoidable things is a sign of having a greater underlying guilt." His face and voice were as empty as ever, but Light new there was a smirk in the man's mind. "15 percent."

"What!?" Light cried, pushing his chair away from the desk to spin and face L. "It was only 5 percent an hour ago. Why such a large jump?"

"To see your reaction," L admitted. "It really only went up 10 percent, but because you acted so distressed at my growing suspicion, as Kira would, it truly is to 15 percent now."

L never saw the fist coming.

Light punched L in the side of his face as hard as he could, sending his chair spinning with him still perched on it. The chain wrapped around L, pulling tight and causing Light to go spinning as well. L finally stopped spinning and sat for a moment with even wider eyes than normal and hands gripping the armrests desperately. He kicked Light suddenly, grunting as the chain pulled and sent him spinning again before pulling him off the chair.

"There they go again," Matsuda sighed, flipping through his report.

"I find that it is best to treat them like children when they act like children and simply ignore them," Soichiro stated while clicking at his keyboard aimlessly.

The other members of the task force sighed and nodded their heads, going back to their work. Their attention was quickly brought back to the two boys as a loud cracking sound resounded through the room, however. They jumped in alarm and raced to where the two boys resided behind the couch to find Light clutching an unconscious L.

"Ryuzaki?" Light asked, clutching the detective's shoulders. "Ryuzaki??" he asked again, his voice becoming more desperate, shaking the man harder. "Ryuzaki!? Come on, wake up!"

"Light!" Soichiro called out. "What happened?"

Light looked up at the task force members with a scared look on his face, shaking his head. "I-I don't know," he stuttered. "We were fighting and he jumped on me, so I kicked him off, you know? But h-he went back and hit his head on the couch. I think he hit a board in it's back," he explained through many stutters and breaths. He turned back to L and continued to shake him, causing his head to roll around.

Soichiro cursed under his breath and went to go inspect the detective, though his son's vice like grip on him made it hard to do so. Upon coming to the conclusion that something was very wrong with the now comatose detective he turned to Aizawa. "Aizawa, page Watari and tell him it's an emergency and to get here right away."

Aizawa nodded his head and ran to the microphone Ryuzaki used to communicate with Watari, pressing the button. "Yes, Ryuzaki?"

"This is Aizawa. We need you here right away, something's happened to Ryuzaki."

There was a pause as Watari scanned his screen of the work room before a click came through the microphone, signifying the turning off of his microphone. Watari was in the room within a few seconds, rushing over to the scene. At the sight of the young prodigy laying in the arms of his suspect, he took no time in asking questions. "Please, bring him to the garage. We must get him to a hospital."

"Can't we call an ambulance?" Mogi asked.

"No, we can't have anyone outside of the task force inside of this building," Watari said, his voice taking an urgent tone. "Now please, we need to get him downstairs.

They looked back to see Light already lifting L's small frame into his arms. For a second, the thought that someone who held another so gently could never be a mass murderer passed through Matsuda's mind, but he quickly let it go as they followed Watari down to the garage.

--

Light sighed for the umpteenth time as he sat in the chair next to Ryuzaki's bed. He looked at the man before being forced to look away again. Just the sight of L in such a manner filled him with dread and guilt. If anything happened to the detective due to the stupid fight that he had started, he doubted he'd be able to forgive himself. The thought of him being stuck in this coma state forever scared him beyond anything. Yes, the bastard may be a workaholic, and he might accuse him of being Kira every single day, but the man had grown to be his friend.

"Son, you can't stay here the entire night," Soichiro said as he handed light his coffee. Black, just like he liked it. "Why don't you come home and spend a night there? I'm sure your mother would love to see you after all this time."

Light sighed and rubbed his wrist where the handcuff should have been found. They had taken it off on the way to the hospital. It would have complicated the matter of getting L help too greatly. "I can't," he finally concluded. "If I were to leave at any moment then he'd clearly accuse me of being Kira and purposely hurting him so I could get away."

That was his excuse, anyway. He had gotten so used to the detective that he wasn't sure how it'd feel without him being there 24/7.

Soichiro sighed but nodded his head. "Yes, I suppose you're right."

"Besides, Watari needs to go watch over headquarters. Someone has to be here if anything happens."

Watari nodded his head in agreement. At first he had been apprehensive to the idea, but slowly realized that Light could do L no harm here, even if he had wanted to. He knew that Kira would never be so stupid as to kill L in such a public place, leaving himself the only possible suspect. Watari had also seen all the files that L had on his suspect, and knew that Light had no experience medically and could not do something to make it seem like a medical error. Plus, in the end, Watari did not believe Light to be Kira.

"We should be on our way then, Mr. Yagami," Watari insisted, standing up from his chair and placing his hat on his head.

"Very well. Light, you have everyone's numbers?"

"Right here," he answered, holding his cell phone up.

"Good. Goodnight, son."

"Goodnight dad."

"Yagami-san."

"Watari."

After acknowledging everyone, the last two men in the room left for the night, leaving Light alone with L. The other members of the task force had left much earlier, wanting to return to their own homes and families for a while. This left Light to himself.

No matter how he tried to not do so, he kept finding himself rubbing at the spot where the handcuff should have been on his wrist. He almost missed the feel of the hard metal against his skin. Three weeks of it always being there could do that to you, he supposed.

His eyes wandered back to the man laying next to him, and this time he couldn't look away. L didn't look as though he were in pain; he merely looked like he was asleep. Light liked the sight. He just looked so peaceful and… stupid. Light almost laughed at the word his mind described him as, but it almost fit. Normally when you looked at L his entire being screamed of logical, eccentric genius. But he looked so normal now, just like any other man he might run into.

Light looked up at the machine displaying L's vitals and relaxed gently. Everything was as it should be, which helped to ease his mind greatly. His eyes slid closed and head leaned back as he slumped down in his chair slightly. Twining his fingers over his chest he allowed himself to be lulled to sleep by the soft beeping which signified the existence of the man laying next to him.

--

A groan escaped his throat as he felt himself becoming more aware of his surroundings. There was a shuffling beside him before he felt a hand on his shoulder and heard a voice. He was still too out of it to determine what the voice said, but it sounded eager, almost excited. The hand drew away and the voice became distant as it began to call out to someone. He heard footsteps before a female began talking with the man. Finally he began to understand their words.

"I'll get the doctor right away," the woman said. He assumed it was a nurse due to her statement.

"Thank you. Please hurry." The man's voice was a young one, and deep, but nice sounding.

There were footsteps again and there was a pressure next to him as the man sat down. "Ryuzaki? Ryuzaki are you alright?"

The only thing that could escape hi through was another hoarse groan.

"Right, your throat. The doctor said you might be a bit dehydrated. Let me get you some water." The pressure left his side but returned a moment later. "Ryuzaki, you're going to have to sit up."

A hand slipped behind his head, which he just noticed was positively throbbing, and slowly lifted him up. He groaned again in pain but helped as much as he could, feeling awfully weak. He felt the rim of a cup press against his lips and he parted his lips to allow the cool liquid to flow down his burning throat.

He groaned again and pressed the cup away from him, falling back to clutch his head. "Oh bloody hell," he whispered to himself, finally getting his voice back.

There was a silence before a shift next to him brought his attention back to the other man. "Ryuzaki…" came the tentative voice, a hand resting on his shoulder.

His eyes finally opened, stopping at the sight above him. The young man was leaning over him and staring into his eyes. He was clean and handsome, and his honey brown eyes bore down into his. The medium length hair that was falling into his face was a chestnut brown which highlighted his eyes. He found himself wanting to reach up and run his fingers along the man's tan skin.

The man said no more as they stared at each other. Those eyes made him feel so warm and the worry in them made him feel more cared for than any other man in the world. All of the burning sensations running through his mind could lead him to only one conclusion as to why the man would look at him so intensely.

"Are you my boyfriend?"

**AN: **Please tell me if you liked it and if there's anything I can work on. I tried to keep everyone in character as much as possible, but I'm always worried about it considering that Light and L have such strong characteristics. Tell me what you thought!

Go, be merry, and review.

kagomes-wanna-be


	2. Chapter 2

**AN:** Thank you everyone so much for the great reviews! I'm glad you like this story, and I must tell you that I'm loving how it's turning out. It may be one of my best stories so far:) I'm trying to stay a few chapters ahead of my posts, so if the writer's block hits we should still have a few chapters to post to keep you happy for a while. This chapter may seem quite OOC, but how much can we expect him to act like himself?

**Rethinking Things He Never Knew**

**kagomes-wanna-be**

**Chapter Two:  
A Successor**

"Wh-What?" Light spluttered as his eyes widened, withdrawing from L slightly. He had spoken in English, but Light knew what he had said. "I… I-I…"

Luckily Light's answer never came as the doctor pushed into the room. He wasn't sure if he even knew how to answer. He was shoved out of the way, but his eyes never pulled away from L's large, unblinking ones. _'Boyfriend!?'_ his mind scream at him. _'Did Ryuzaki just ask if I was his boyfriend?'_

"Hideki-san, do you know where you are?" the doctor, using L's legal alias, asked as he checked the man's pupils with a light. They reacted accordingly and he put the small light away.

L finally pulled his eyes from Light's and tilted his head up to peer at the doctor. His eyes were even large than normal and looked as though he was taking everything in for the first time. "Hideki-san?" he said finally, his brow coming together in a confused look.

Light was shocked still at the look on Ryuzaki's face. It was the first time he had seen any form of expression on the detective's face besides the smug look he got after figuring something out. Frankly, Light decided that L needed to use expressions more often. Honestly, he looked rather cute like that.

"Why… yes," the doctor said, a surprised tone in his voice. "You are Ryuga Hideki, are you not?" he asked, flipping through the chart in his hand.

L's mouth opened as though he were going to say something before it closed again. He sat there for a moment in contemplation, his eyes staring away at nothing. "I… I don't know," he finally admitted, looking back up. "I don't know who I am. I-I don't know anything… I don't remember anything…"

There was a fearful quiver in his voice that made Light's stomach churn. L was never afraid of anything, and he certainly would never forget anything.

"I'm sorry, I don't know any English," the doctor told L with a frown.

"What do you mean you don't know English? What does that have to do with anything? I don't remember anything!"

L's yell shocked Light back into reality and he turned to the doctor, clearing his throat after realizing his voice was barely there. "H-He said he can't remember anythi-"

"Don't speak of me as though I'm not here!" L shrieked, pulling at the chords that were attached to him, making machinery fly forward. "Why can't I remember anything!?"

"Nurse! Go get someone to restrain this man!" the doctor ordered. The nurse nodded her head and rushed out of the room.

"Restrain me?" L asked, throwing off the blanket that covered his hospital gown clad body and shifting to rest on his knees. He glared at the doctor dangerously. "RESTRAIN ME!? I do not need to be restrained, sir. What I need is for you to tell me who I am and why I can't remember anything!"

L was yelling so loud that Light wanted to cover his ears from the noise and attempt to forget he had ever heard it. He didn't like the sound of L yelling. That wasn't the worst thing about this scene, however. The look on L's face hade his chest clench in anguish. He looked so angry, malicious even, and his unruly hair framing his face created a wild air about him. But under all of that, found in his eyes and in his voice, as fear. L was afraid of nothing, not even his own death, but he just looked so frightened…

L's head snapped up as the door opened again, two large men in scrubs entering. His eyes widened and he cried out as they grabbed for him. Machines were sent crashing to the floor as L dodged their grasp, darting off the bed.

Light's mind finally started working again just in time to step in front of the door, causing L to crash into him in a vain attempt to escape. His fingers curled around the detective's shoulders, who in turn dug his fingers into Light's biceps. He threw his head back and stared into Light's eyes desperately. "Please…" came L's pained voice. "Please tell me… Please…Who am I?"

Light had nothing to say. What could he tell him? Should he tell him that he was Ryuga Hideki, a supposed university student and his best friend? Should he tell him that he was L - also known as Ryuzaki - the greatest detective in the world, or rather that he was secretly all THREE of the world's greatest detectives? He knew that none of these answers would suffice, and that in the end he truly had no idea who the man in front of him was. No one knew but L himself.

A needle was stuck into L's arm before Light had time to blink. There was a gasp from said detective before his eyes fluttered closed and he fell limply against Light. "R-Ryuga?" Light whispered, shifting the man in his arms and looking down into his face.

L was torn from his arms by the man who had injected him, dragging him back to the bed. He missed the feeling of the detective in his grip instantly, but pushed the thought away as the doctor walked over

"I'm sorry, but you're going to have to leave Mr…" the doctor trailed off, realizing he did not know his name.

"Oh, uh, Yagami," Light answered, watching the nurse reattach L to his machinery. "Yagami Light. I understand."

The doctor gave a nod before turning away. Light walked out of the room forcefully, looking back at L one more time before pulling out his cell phone.

--

There was a long silence in the waiting room before Matsuda finally spoke. "What do you mean he has amnesia?"

The question was so Matsuda-like that Light almost snickered at it. He just opted for a shake of his head and looked back up at the doctor, waiting patiently.

The doctor cleared his throat before explaining himself. "Mr. Hideki has lost all of his memories. He does not remember who he is, where he came from, or how he ended up here. However, the learned sect. of his brain has not been affected, meaning he hasn't lost the ability to do things which are a learned habit, such as speaking. He will know all the words he did before, but will have no memory of how he learned them or of ever using them before."

"Why is he speaking English?" Light questioned.

"Well I would assume that it was his first language," the doctor answered. The group looked to Watari who gave a subtle nod. He hated having to let the men before him know so much about the enigma that was L, but it couldn't be helped. "Imagine his brain as a computer of sorts. When you reboot a computer, it returns to its original settings, or what it had learned first."

"Then why can he understand our Japanese?"

"Because it is in the learned sect. of his mind as well. He knows Japanese, but has no memory of ever using it. It may take a complete restudying of the language before he can speak it again."

The task force frowned at this fact. The only one on the team who knew English beyond a short phrase or two was Light. How could they take orders from L if they couldn't understand him? How could they take orders from L if L wasn't L?

"May we speak with him?" Watari asked finally, stepping forward.

"At this point I would have to say no," the doctor responded. "I'm sure you can understand how overwhelming all of this is for him, and it'd only put more stress on his mind to introduce a group of people to him who he can't remember."

"Yeah, it'd only make him feel worse," Mogi said, digging his hand into his pockets.

"But," the doctor started, turning to Light, "he's already seen you, and seemed rather comfortable in your presence. It couldn't harm anything if you spoke with him."

Light stood there for a moment before nodding his head. "Alright," he said. "But first I'm going to need to speak with my companions."

"Very well. Go ahead whenever you like." The doctor bowed politely before turning and walking down the hall.

Light returned the bow before turning back to the other men in the hall. They all stared at each other for a moment before Soichiro cleared his throat. "I believe there are some serious issues here which need to be resolved before anything else happens."

"Like what?" Matsuda asked, looking around the group.

"Like… what we're going to do, for instance," Aizawa said.

"Oh… right."

"I believe that it is clear as to what should happen," Watari spoke, looking at Light intently.

"It is?" Matsuda asked.

Light sighed as Soichiro nodded his head. "Yes, it's very clear. Ryuzaki even stated it so himself."

"No, wait, we can't simply jump to this," Mogi said, looking at everyone. "I understand what Ryuzaki said, but we should at least wait until we're sure he won't return to normal in the next day or two."

"But that doesn't matter," Aizawa argued. "It's not as though we're on a schedule here. If Kira acts in the next 'day or two' while we're waiting then we'll need someone to listen to, someone to give us direction.

"Well why don't we just direct ourselves? I'm sure we can handle it for a while."

"Ha! You really think that we can handle Kira on our own? Why do you think we stayed with Ryuzaki in the first place!?"

"Yeah, well, we can't possibly let Light do it!" Mogi said before turning to Light. "I'm sorry Light, but when it comes down to it, Ryuzaki had a reason to suspect you for being Kira and none of us can say that we saw what went on behind that couch."

"I can," Watari spoke up again. "When I returned to headquarters the first thing I did was watch the security tapes to be sure of what happened. I can honestly say that what happened to L was a complete accident on both of their parts."

"Oh…" Mogi trailed off before clearing his throat. "Well then I am sorry my accusation, Light."

Light merely nodded his head. "I understand," he told them truthfully. He did understand what would cause Mogi to think that about him. No one could have known what happened, could have been in his head during that moment that Ryuzaki was slammed into the back of the couch. He was glad, if anything, for the precautionary measure that Mogi's mind had taken in not automatically trusting him. It made for a good investigator.

Matsuda looked around at the group of men before groaning. "Well I don't!" he said. "What's going on?"

"To put it simply," Light stated, looking up from the spot on the floor he had been fixated on. "I will become L."

**AN: **So I felt like L's reaction was a little heart-wrenching, but it must be hard to wake up not knowing who you are. Please let me know what you thought of this chapter!

Go, be merry, and review.

kagomes-wanna-be


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: **Thank you guys so much for the reviews! I LOVE reviews! Please please please keep it up! I hope you guys like this chapter as much of the rest and that you keep coming back:)

**Rethinking Things He Never Knew**

**kagomes-wanna-be**

**Chapter Three:  
A Referral**

Light knocked softly on the plain white door before pushing the door open and peering in. "Ryuz-" he cleared his throat, quickly correcting himself. "Ryuga?" The task force had spoken for a long time and agreed that they should refer to Ryuzaki as the doctor's did, so as not to confuse him.

His eye's took in the sight before him and a lump appeared in his throat. L was restrained to the bed, 3 thick straps pressing down against his body. No noise came from the man as he stared up at the ceiling absently, his wrists slowly moving against the straps in a half-willed attempt to break free from them.

"Ryuga, how are you feeling?" Light asked again, walking over and gently placing his hands on the side of L's bed.

L's eyes slid closed in a long blink before slowly sliding open to reveal his eyes fixated on Light's. "You called me Ryuzaki earlier."

'_Damn.'_

"Why is that?"

Light swallowed and stared down at the man, but still kept his cool as he came up with the quickest lie he could. "Well there's a famous pop star with the same name as you, and because people were always getting confused you started going by Ryuzaki instead."

"Oh…" L trailed off as he thought for a moment before excepting the answer. "Okay." He had nothing to prove that it wasn't true, after all. "In that case please call me Ryuzaki. I wouldn't want to get used to a name that no one seems to call me by."

"Very well," Light said, nodding his head. Honestly he preferred it that way. "So how are you feeling Ryuzaki?"

L was silent for a moment before sighing and looking away again. "As well as a man who is strapped to a hospital bed to avoid hurting himself and/or others and can't remember anything about his life can be," he admitted bitterly. "Plus, I have a headache."

A soft chuckle escaped Light's lips before he could stop himself. He had never thought that Ryuzaki would have a sense of humor, but he actually seemed to have a nice one. "Here, maybe some water can help." Light reached over and picked up the cup from earlier, handing it out towards L.

"Um…"

"Oh, right," Light said with a nervous chuckle.

He gently leaned forward, pressing the cup to the other man's lips. L accepted the water happily, but his eyes never left Light's, and Light found himself unable to look away as well. The eyes before him belonged to L, the man before him was L, but they no longer resembled L. There was something bothering him more than that, though. Something about this situation that made it seem wrong.

He pulled the cup away once the water was gone and L gave a soft smile. "Thank you," he said, still staring.

Light couldn't help the smile that formed on his own lips. It was good to see Ryuzaki smile, to know and he decided that he would like to see it more often. It would have been better if it was really Ryuzaki smiling, though.

"I still don't even know you're name," Ryuzaki announced.

"Oh, right, of course. My name is Light Yagami," Light introduced himself with a nervous blush, bowing slightly.

"Light?" Ryuzaki asked, tilting his head to the side in curiosity. "That sounds like an unusual name for a Japanese man to have."

Light smiled again. "Yes, well, it comes from the combination of the characters in my name. It's unusual, but I like unusual things."

L let out a soft noise in understanding and nodded his head while looking back up at the ceiling. "Light… Light," he said a few times, testing out the name on his tongue, smiling softly. "I like it."

"I'm glad." Light couldn't get rid of the smile on his lips. He had never really had a lighthearted conversation with Ryuzaki and he was enjoying it. He had always been a pleasure to talk to, even if he had been accusing him of being Kira a majority of the time.

"You never answered my question earlier," Ryuzaki told Light.

"What?"

"My question," he continued, staring at him intently. "Are you my boyfriend?"

'_Of course!' _Light mentally kicked himself. During the duration of that night's events he had somehow forgotten Ryuzaki questioning him of that. After a moment's thought he finally looked back at Ryuzaki and shook his head. "No, Ryuzaki, I am not your boyfriend."

"Oh…" he said, blinking slowly as he thought. "Then why were you so concerned for me earlier? Why did you come in here looking so concerned just a moment ago?"

"I just…" Light trailed off for a second before continuing. "I was worried about you, Ryuzaki. You truly are a close friend of mine, and I could never wish for anything like this to happen to you. Now that it has… Well I don't know what to think really. I just want to try and make you feel as comfortable as possible."

L stared up at Light almost in disbelief. The handsome, concerned young man that had just been there earlier was so kind, so open. A warmth spread through his body at Light's words and he couldn't help the quickening of his heart rate. "I am comfortable now."

Light looked up as the beeping on L's vital signs machine quickened. "Ryuzaki, are you alright? Should I go get your doctor?" Light asked, already standing from his chair.

L's hand moved beneath its strap, trying quickly to reach out and grab Light. "No! It's okay," he assured him. "I promise," he added, giving a soft smile, trying to hold down the pink appearing on his cheeks.

"… Alright," Light said after a moment, but didn't sit down back down. "But I should be going for a moment."

"What? Why?" Ryuzaki asked before he could contain himself, shifting against his restraints.

Light stared in shock for a moment before coming back to his senses, clearing his throat. "Well, you see, there are a few of other men here who are friends of yours," Light finally told him. "They're waiting outside, and I should probably go tell them that you're feeling okay before they get too worried."

"Can't you bring them in here?" Ryuzaki asked.

"Are you sure you're up for that?" Light asked skeptically, though he figured that Ryuzaki would be able to handle it better than the doctor assumed. He was still L somewhere in there, after all.

Or, at least, he hoped.

"Of course," Ryuzaki answered with a smile. "If they're half as good of friends as you are then I can't wait to meet them, Light."

Light felt his heart clench at the end of Ryuzaki's sentence. He was still expected the 'kun' to be added to his name. "Alright then," he said, putting on a fake smile. "I'll go get them."

He turned and hurried out of the room as fast as he could, letting the door close and falling back against the wall with a deep breath. This whole time he'd been trying to keep as straight a face as he could, but he didn't know how long he could do it for. So far he had been doing well in masking his feelings, but it would only be so long before something slipped up. It'd only be so long before he couldn't stop himself from throwing his arms around the shoulder's of the once eccentric detective who he had made disappear. It'd only be so long before everyone knew just how worried he truly was and why…

Light took another deep breath and pushed himself off of the wall. Straightening his t-shirt he turned and walked down the hall to gather his companions from the waiting room and bring them back to see Ryuzaki.

--

"How is it we all met?" Ryuzaki asked with a polite smile, peering around at the men before him. He kept reminding himself to stay calm and collected and to ignore the saddened looks on their faces.

These men must had been very close to him for them to come down in the middle of the night. This was probably as hard, if not harder, for them.

Light quickly translated for the men and L flinched. _'Right. Japanese.'_

"We met through work," Soichiro said, the others nodding.

"I happen to be an old friend of yours," Watari partially lied.

"Oh? Is there any of my family left?" Ryuzaki asked, a hopeful hint in his voice.

Light opened his mouth to translate but stopped himself. Why should he bother to translate something like that and make the rest feel the same annoying ache he did? He looked at the others who were staring back expectantly. All except Watari, whose eyes were downcast. Light knew he knew what Ryuzaki had said.

"No," Light finally answered, speaking in English. "You don't have any family left, Ryuzaki."

"Oh… I see." He took a moment to think that over before gazing back up. "So what do we do for work?"

This time Light did translate.

"We work for the government," Mogi answered.

"But you're more of a free-agent consultant," continued Aizawa.

Everyone in the room seemed please with this answer until Ryuzaki spoke up again. "So I'm like a private detective?"

'_Crap,' _Light thought, being the only one to admittedly understand. "Well, um, not exa-"

The door opened halfway through his statement and he nearly let out a grateful sigh. "Forgive us everyone, but it's time for you to leave. Hideki-san needs his rest."

Ryuzaki sighed as everyone began to shuffle out of the door, giving their goodbyes. He didn't want them to leave but it couldn't be avoided.

"Farewell Ryuzaki-chan!" Matsuda cried from the doorway, flashing a bright smile and waving happily before disappearing as well.

Light rolled his eyes at Matsuda's cheeriness but Ryuzaki smiled. The other men seemed so depressing, but Matsuda always had a smile on his face. He was so friendly that it was refreshing. Light, on the other hand, wasn't quite as happy. Ryuzaki didn't need to be dealing with an overly hyper Matsuda while in his state.

He turned to see Ryuzaki with a smile on his face and his heart pained. _'He didn't smile like that for me,' _he thought sullenly. Shaking his head he smiled at Ryuzaki and bowed gently. "Rest well, Ryuzaki."

Ryuzaki's eyes darted quickly to Light's and his smile instantly softened. "Goodnight, Light," he said softly.

A heat spread through Light's face and he quickly left to catch up with the others. That smile definitely hadn't been the one he gave Matsuda, but it was one that he hadn't given to anyone else. It felt like his own special smile.

It always amazed him how a simple look from Ryuzaki could make him have to look away. And that look…

There was no way to explain the butterflies that it spread through his stomach.

"What's going to happen to him?" Aizawa asked as Light caught up with the others.

"We're going to have to keep him for what's left of the night and the morning. Once our psychologist gets in we'll have him evaluated. If he is cleared as a threat to himself and others you can take him home."

"… And that's it? We just 'take him home?'" Light asked, unable to stop the frustration in his voice.

"Well… yes," the doctor nodded, writing on a piece of paper. "I can give you the number of a specialist who knows exercises to try and bring back his memory, but anything is futile beyond that. However, if the headaches continue then you'll need to bring him back for more MRI scans."

"Thank you, sir," Watari said, taking the paper with the specialist's information.

"He'll be expecting your call," the doctor said before walking away.

There was another silence between the men before Soichiro sighed. "I suppose we should return to headquarters and try to get what sleep we can before going back to work."

Everyone silently agreed and turned to walk out to their separate vehicles. Light went with his father and sighed as he leaned his head back against the seat.

'_What have I gotten myself into.'_

**AN: **So the boyfriend thing has been answered, sorry if I disappointed you with it! But don't worry, plenty of fluff and stuff to come:)

Go, be merry, and review.

kagomes-wanna-be


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: **Sorry that it's been a little bit! I've had camp and play rehearsal's up to the cuticles of my hairs and I just haven't been able to get this up. I love all your guys' love, reviews, and alerts and whatever else it is! I have the next week off before school starts up, so hopefully I'll get one or two more chapters up for you. Please enjoy!

**Rethinking Things He Never Knew**

**kagomes-wanna-be**

**Chapter Four:  
A Secret**

The scenery flashed by as L stared out of the passenger window of the car. His eyes were wider than normal as he took in the sight of the large buildings and the faces moving past him. It was so strange to him. He knew that people walked down streets all the time and that there buildings tall enough to nearly scratch heaven, and yet he had never seen them. It was like the first time a person saw the ocean. They had always known it was there, but the first sight of the sun glistening off of its surface could awe any man into silence.

And L was silent. No noise came from him as he listened to the whirring of the car's engine and the sounds coming from the street. He bit at his thumbnail as he thought about the ocean. It was blue, with sand, rocks, water, and the occasional animal. There were plants and people depending on the time of year, and the water would turn orange as the sun set at its horizon. He didn't understand what was so special about water, sun and dirt, but it was something that he supposed he'd have to wait to find out.

'_I wonder if I know any of these people,'_ he thought to himself. _'I wonder if they know me or what happened to me… Maybe I was important to one of them at some point. Perhaps I was one of their friends, or maybe a lover. Maybe I helped them during their lives…'_

Watari looked over at L as he sat next to him. It was strange seeing the man he had known for so long sitting like a normal person - feet on the floor. His hands were in his lap neatly with his head turned to peer out of the window. L would never sit like that if he was still himself. He always said that it reduced his thinking abilities.

"Watari, were are you taking me?" L asked suddenly, turning back to stare at the elderly man.

"Back to the hotel we were staying at during our stay here in Japan," Watari answered, deciding that it was best to not mention anything about the Kira investigation or the task force until he was settled comfortably into his room.

"Oh, we were only staying here?" he asked, tilting his head to the side. "Where did we come from?"

Watari glanced at him for a second before coming to the conclusion that it was fine to let him know. He was fairly positive that everyone already knew due to L's accent anyhow. "We're from England, Ryuzaki."

L's brow knitted together in confusion. "Then one of my parents must not have been from there considering that my name is in fact quite Asian. I'm assuming it's my father due to my last name."

Watari held back a sigh and kept his face straight. Even without any memory of his past he was still one for deduction. Unfortunately he was wrong. "You're an orphan, Ryuzaki."

Silence.

"I see."

Looking over once more he saw that L had a far away look in his eyes. "I suppose it's better that way," he said finally.

"Why is that?"

"Because if they were dead then I'd have to spend my life without ever being able to remember my parents, but now I never knew them in the first place," he explained.

Watari smiled gently at L's logical mind. "In that case, yes, I would have to agree that it is better."

There was a soft look in L's eyes as he thought, however. _'I'm an orphan,' _he told himself. _'I wonder if they're still alive… Did they give me up or die? Maybe they regret what they did but we'll never be able to find each other because whatever clue I had to their identity is now gone with my memories…' _L's overactive mind kept spinning as he unconsciously began biting at his thumbnail.

Once he realized what he was doing he put his hand back down, shifting uncomfortably. He wanted to ask about everything that the man named Watari knew about him, but he didn't want to seem anxious. He wanted to keep his cool, otherwise he was afraid that he'd completely lose himself. No one wanted a repeat of the previous night, he was sure.

Watari stared at L as an array of emotions spread across his face. He could tell that the man didn't want to plague anyone with his problems, and respected that, but it was strange to see L not able to control his emotions. It had been so long since he had shown a real one.

"Is there anything else you would like to know at this time?" Watari asked.

L shook his head. "Thank you, but no. There will be plenty of time for that later."

Wanting to get his mind off of his non-existent parents, L turned to the only thing he knew he could think of without running into walls.

Light.

The young man had been plaguing his mind ever since he had seen him. How could he not? Light was the first person he had seen, the first person he had stored in his recently wiped out mind. Those eyes, so caring and addicting, were his very first memory. There would always be a special place with L for them.

'_I wonder if I felt like this before the accident,' _L thought, using the term he decided would best describe whatever had occurred to make him lose his memory. _'I wonder if Light always looked at me like that… I doubt I got my work done very efficiently if that was so.' _

L let out a soft chuckle, unable to stop the smile on his lips as he thought of the other male. _'He's extremely well spoken as well. And he's bilingual. I'm glad I can just talk to him and have him understand what I'm saying…'_

It was true. None of the doctors nor the nurses knew English. They had actually brought in a translator when he had been evaluated by the psychologist. It turned out that Watari spoke it as well, apparently, for though all his responses were in Japanese he had no problem in speaking with him.

The fact that L could understand that language but not respond frustrated him to no end. The doctor had made him try and speak it, respond to a simple question - "What color are the walls?"

White.

They had been white but he hadn't been able to say that. It felt as though the words were just at the tip of his tongue, about to break through the barrier that was in his mind, but they didn't. He was left to hang his head in shame and simply say that he couldn't do it.

Was it possible to lose to your own mind?

Yes, it was. And he had.

"Here we are." Watari's voice broke through his thoughts as the car pulled into a driveway and down into a parking complex.

L looked around, noting that the parking spaces were completely empty until they got to the lowest level. He looked over at Watari, studying the man for a moment as they drove towards the spaces closest to the entrance doors. _'I wonder if anyone knows…' _he thought, biting on his thumb nail again. _'If they didn't then it'd be very strange and uncomfortable to suddenly make any mention of my apparent sexuality.'_

The whirring of the car engine ceased as Watari turned it off and opened his door. L just sat there for another moment before sighing. _'Yes. I think I will have to keep this to myself for a while.'_

He opened the door and got out.

--

The room Watari had left him in was extremely quiet. The entire hotel was quiet, in fact. L had been suspicious of the place within moments of entering, actually. It was quiet, and completely void of people besides him and Watari it seemed. If anyone else was there, then they hadn't been in the halls, which was strange. He imagined that he would have seen guests, maids, or room service. Anyone would have sufficed.

He gazed down at the small tray placed on the table next to the chair he was occupying, noticing it was full of sweet looking objects. "Huh…" he mumbled to himself as he picked a small looking cake up nimbly and took a small bite. Deciding that he liked the small, spongy cake he ate the rest of it before picking up another.

There was a gentle knock at the door and he swallowed down the last of the cake in his mouth, setting down the other one he had in his hands. "Yes?"

The door opened as Watari entered, followed by Soichiro. "Oh, Soichiro, hello," he said with a kind smile, wiping his hands of the cake crumbs on his pants.

"I'm glad to see that you're doing well, Ryuzaki," the man said with a bow, recognizing the English greeting.

"Yes, well, as well as an amnesiac can be doing," he told him with a friendly chuckle. He was trying to be as pleasant as possible, not wanting anyone to send him back to the psychologist.

Watari translated for the man and he nodded his head. There was a slight tension in the air as a silence fell over the three before Soichiro cleared his throat. "Ryuzaki, Watari has asked me here so that the three of us may talk," he said, walking over and sitting on the couch across from him.

"Talk?"

"Yes, there is a lot that we need to tell you," Watari answered as he sat down next to Soichiro.

"About what?" a confused L asked, worried about the looks on the other two's faces.

Watari took a deep breath. "About who you really are."

--

There was nothing more that L had to ask, and nothing more that the men had to say, so they were left sitting there in silence. It had been hours since he had arrived at the building and the room was becoming dim due to the fading light. He decided that he should sum up the story as much as possible.

"So this is not a hotel?" he asked, looking back up at them.

"No."

"It's the headquarters of a secret criminal-hunting task force?"

"Yes."

"And I am L, the enigmatic greatest detective in the world, who heads a criminal investigation task force which focuses on catch a criminal-killing criminal named Kira who seems to be able to kill just by knowing a person's name and what they look like?"

Watari nodded his head, following L's words carefully. "Yes, that is the basic summarization."

L swallowed gently as he stared at the floor. "So… I take it that my name is neither Ryuga Hideki nor Ryuzaki."

"That is true. Those are aliases that you have been using to keep yourself safe from anyone who might be Kira. L is an alias as well."

"Then what is my name?" he asked, trying to keep the desperation out of his eyes at wanting to know as much about himself as he possibly could.

Watari's voice held for a moment before he cleared his throat and sat straighter. "I'm sorry, Ryuzaki, but out of fear for your own well-being I believe that it would be best for you to not know things as intimate as that."

His mouth nearly fell open. Was he really not going to be told his own name? Did they think he was going to go and spread it out for the world to know? He assumed that the few people on the task force could be trusted if he had worked so closely with them for so long.

Finally he drew in a deep breath, trying to keep the aggravation out of his. "So what is going to happen now that the task force's leader has been taken out of commission? Possibly on permanent terms?"

"You were a very smart man, Ryuzaki. You named a successor to your name, so there is no need for you to worry. The investigation will continue on as normal, and though we would like you to be present during its duration, there will be no need for you to attempt to remember anything at this moment," Watari explained to him.

"A successor? Who?"

"Light Yagami. Yagami-san's son," Watari answered, gesturing to the man next to him.

"What? Light is your son?" he asked Soichiro, who he now knew was the chief of police.

Watari translated and the man nodded. "Yes, Light is my son and an exceptionally talented deductive reasoner. He is already a great detective even at such a young age, which I'm sure is why you named him your successor."

L sat there for a moment, his eyes diverted from the others. _'It seems that Light was even smarter than I thought.' _"Is there any proof of this transaction?"

"Yes, the entire task force along with myself were witness to the event." Watari smiled at how L's mind was still as precautionary as ever.

There was another silence as L put this thumb to his lips, unable to tangle any distinguishable thoughts from the muddle in his mind. "Is there anything else I should know at this moment?" he asked, finally looking up at them again. "I'm quite exhausted, as I'm sure you can imagine, and would like to be left to myself if we are done here."

"Yes, we are done." Watari quickly told Soichiro that they were leaving and they both stood.

"Rest well, Ryuzaki. We will be expecting your presence in the morning," Soichiro said, giving another bow before turning and walking out.

"Farewell, Ryuzaki."

L made a soft noise as the two left the room, not watching them leave. He stood, unable to stay seated any longer, and attempted to stop the trembling in his hands. He looked around the room, noticing the large amount of papers placed on top of a desk at another side of the room, laptops on both of the night stands next to the queen sized bed.

This was his room, and he knew it, but he had no recollection of it. What had he done in here? How many sleepless nights had he spent in that bed? How many amazing discoveries or dead ends had he reached behind that desk or on those laptops?

Was he really as amazing as they thought he was?

**AN: **So L wondered a lot in this chapter, but wouldn't you too if you had no idea what was going on? I believe you would:) Please tell me what you think and leave me lots of reviews and adds and everything! Also make sure to check out some of my other stories!

Go, be merry, and review.

kagomes-wanna-be


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: **Thank you guys for the reviews and everything! This is the last chapter I have in store, so I don't think my next update will be for a while considering that school starts tomorrow. I just wanted to get this up for you guys to enjoy before I probably disappear for a while. So please enjoy it! :D

**Rethinking Things He Never Knew**

**kagomes-wanna-be**

**Chapter Five:  
****A Roommate**

It had taken L 20 minutes to be able to move from the spot he had been standing in. He was too stunned to think correctly. _'Was everything they told me true?'_ he asked himself. _'It had to be… Why lie to me? Especially when they planned to invite me to the investigation room in the morning.'_

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. It had to be true, he knew that. It was just crazy enough to be true.

Finally resolving to move, unable to stand there any longer, he walked over to his desk and began to shuffle through the large stack of papers. He assumed that if this was his room then there would be something that gave him some hint to who he was. There wasn't, though. It was full of charts and reports that he didn't understand.

He rushed to the bed and picked up one of the laptops. He paused for a moment as he felt himself sink into the mattress, a sigh escaping his lips. It was so much more comfortable than the stiff hospital mattress. Pressure was taken off of his back almost instantly and he decided to get as much sleep as possible in that bed that night.

Bringing himself out of his reverie of the bed, he opened the laptop. It clicked on and he groaned, leaning his head back. "Right. Japanese," he said, closing the machine as he was unable to understand any of it.

It felt as though he would never discover anything about himself. _'It shouldn't be this hard,' _he told himself.

This was a place that he was merely staying at, however. If he was at home, he doubted that it would be this hard. It's not as though people brought their birth certificates with them to hotels?

Then what did people bring with them?

He sat up, raising an eyebrow. He jumped off the bed and raced for the bathroom. There had to be some hint to what he liked or disliked in there. A few bottles of his favorite shampoo, or a special loofa from some country he had visited.

His search came up fruitless, however. All of the products were of Japanese origin, none of the shampoos were scented, and only the aftershave and cologne had scents he cared for. He sighed and turned, walking out of the bathroom defeated.

He plopped down in the chair he had been sat in earlier, picking up a tiny cake and eating it down. _'I don't understand. It's almost as though I was trying to keep my identity hidden from myself,' _he mused as he ate another sweet. _'There has to be something around here that tells me I like something.'_

He ate one more treat before walking over to the closet, throwing open the doors. He began sifting through the articles of clothing, looking for a brand or maybe something that was left in a coat pocket on accident.

It had been about five minutes of searching before his hands froze. His brow furrowed and he tilted his head to the side in confusion. All the clothing in the closet seemed so nice. Dress shirts, slacks, sweaters, polyester, silk. Looking down at his simple cotton thermal shirt and jeans, a sudden realization hit him.

"These aren't my clothes."

There was a click behind him and he spun to see Light closing the door. He looked up, a smile crossing his lips as he saw the man. "Oh, Ryuzaki. I'm glad that you're back."

Butterflies erupted in L's stomach as he tried to return Light's smile. "Yes, s-so am I," he said before swallowing.

Light couldn't help but notice the other man's strange behavior. "Are you alright Ryuzaki?" he asked worriedly. "You look rather ill."

L swallowed, clearing his throat. "I'm fine, really. Thank you for the concern, Light, and I'm sorry for intruding on your room."

"Wait, hold on a second," Light said quickly. He grabbed L's wrist as he tried to flee the room, spinning the man to face him. "Didn't they tell you?"

L looked up at him quizzically. "Tell me what?"

There was a silence in the room before Light rolled his eyes. _'Of course they'd leave it up to me,' _he thought with a sigh before giving him another smile, letting go of his wrist. "Ryuzaki this is our room."

"What?!" he nearly cried, eyes bulging.

"This is our room," Light told him again. "We share it."

L thought his head was going to explode. That, or he was going to throw up. _'Maybe faint.' _There were too many possibilities for him to choose from one. Perhaps he would do all of them, in that order. That would be a feat.

"O-Oh," he said quietly, clearing his throat to speak louder. "But I thought you said that we… that we weren't-"

"Oh, no," Light cut in quickly, realizing where L was going. "No, we aren't. I swear. We were just roommates," he quickly explained.

There was a visible relaxing in L's shoulder as he nodded his head. "Alright… but why?" he asked, tilting his head to the side.

Light opened his mouth to say something, before it closed. What was he supposed to say? They had decided to not complicate matters with L over the fact that Light was really his suspect. He would stay with him every possible minute of the day, that or always be with the task force so someone could watch him. In the end they all knew that he was L's suspect, and that they couldn't do much to stop him. Especially since he was now the alias of L. So what did he tell him? Say that he was possibly Kira and make the man fear for his life?

"Just so that we could work closer on the case," he answered finally, pulling off his suit jacket. "You could say you were… mentoring me. You did name me your successor after all." He let out a soft chuckle, praying that the nervousness wasn't evident in his voice.

L watched Light hang up his suit jacket before beginning to untie his tie. "Oh… Right."

L spoke slowly as his eyes took in the image of Light. He was undressing in their bedroom after coming back from a hard day of working. There was something about it that just felt so… domestic.

Light began to unbutton his shirt and L quickly pulled his eyes away, a blush crossing his cheeks. He looked anywhere and everywhere that wasn't Light. He felt his blush deepen though as a sudden realization hit him. "Um, Light?"

"Yes Ryuzaki?"

"There's only one bed."

This time, it was Light's turn to blush. He turned back to L and cleared his throat, trying to rid his mind of the thoughts that suddenly plagued it. "You didn't sleep in the bed with me."

"I didn't?"

"No," he said, shaking his head. "You weren't much one for… proper mannerisms. You slept in the chair."

L looked over at the chair that Light had nodded to, seeing a simple armchair next to the bed. "Well that looks extremely uncomfortable."

Light laughed, smiling as he put his shirt in the laundry, wearing only his slacks and white undershirt. "That's what I said," he agreed. "But you always insisted on sleeping in it. You somehow managed to curl into this weird form of a ball that you would go to sleep in every night."

'_Maybe that's why he barely slept,' _Light mused to himself, before a thought hit him. Suddenly he realized why L had looked so strange in the hospital. He had been laying flat on his back. Light had never seen L like that. It was… unnerving, to say the least.

They stood there for a moment as L thought to himself, Light giving him a moment to think over it. "If that's what I used to do," he said finally. He had decided that he would gather as much information about himself from the others, and try to recreate his old habits. Maybe it would help with remembering his life. _'But the bed had been so comfortable…'_

The forlorn look on L's face and his eyes locked on the bed gave him away, making Light frown. "If you'd like… you can share the bed with me."

L's head snapped back to stare at Light. "Are you sure, Light?" he asked before deciding to delve a little further. "I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable sharing a bed with another man."

"Of course not," Light said with a smile. "I wouldn't want you hurting your back during the night sleeping in an uncomfortable position."

'_That's ridiculous,' _L thought. _'If I really did used to sleep like that then I would obviously be able to handle sleeping so again. But… it's still not enough to be conclusive.'_

With a smile he nodded his head. "Thank you, Light."

"It's no problem," Light responded, turning to the dresser to pull out his pajamas.

'_Holy crap,' _he thought to himself, closing his eyes for a moment to flow his heart rate before turning around. "Here you go Ryuzaki," he said, handing the man a pair of his plain blue pajamas.

L took them into his hands tentatively, staring down at them. "Are they… mine?" he asked quietly, running his fingers over the soft cotton fabric.

"Yes. They're the only ones you ever wear."

His hands began to tremble as he gripped the clothes tighter, his eyes burning behind his bangs. "Please excuse me a moment while I change," he choked out before rushing into the bathroom.

--

He wiped at his eyes again, leaning his head back against the wall. _'What the hell came over me?' _he asked himself, still clenching the pajamas tight to his chest. He petted the fabric silently, a whimper escaping his lips.

Of course he knew what had come over him. As ridiculous as it sounded, it was the pajamas. But they weren't just ANY pajamas - they were his pajamas. He had worn these pajamas before, the smell laced in them was him, but he couldn't remember it. Something that once probably seemed so trivial seemed so amazing to him now.

A knock sounded at the door and he looked up. "Ryuzaki?" Light's voice came slowly. "Are you alright?"

L took a deep breath, nodding his head even though he couldn't be seen. "Thank you Light, I'm fine. Just changing."

L stood up and peeled his shirt over his head. He caught the image of himself in the mirror and turned. He had walked by a few mirrors that day, but had yet to take the time to look at himself. His hair was a mess, his skin was pale, and he had a horrible slouch. Attempting to stand straighter, he heard his back crack a few times before giving up with a sigh. "I guess I walked like this for a long time…"

"Ryuzaki?"

"Sorry, just one more moment." _'Light…'_ He looked so different from Light. Light was clean and well put together, but he… he was a disgruntled mess.

Abandoning his thoughts he proceeded to undress himself before opening the door. He walked out into the room, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"Hey, are you okay?" Light asked as he sat down next to his friend, already changed into his pajamas.

L looked up at him from under his bangs and smiled softly, nodding his head. "I'm fine. Let's get some sleep."

Light sighed as L scooted back onto the bed. It was the side that he normally slept on while L slept in the chair next to him, but he made no mention of it. They sat there for a moment before looking at each other and sharing a tentative smile.

"Goodnight Ryuzaki."

"Goodnight Light."

They turned off the lamps and pulled the blanket over themselves, each trying to forget who was laying next to them.

**AN: **L is sad:( I hate making him sad, but when someone is sad it just makes it all the better when they get happy again:D Please let me know what you thought and maybe throw some suggestions my way. It may help the next chapter get written faster;)

Go, be merry, and review:)

kagomes-wanna-be


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: **Sorry for the long update! I'm doing the best I can with all my classes (you have to take 8 at my school!), so the updates will still probably be few and far between. I love you guys so much! Please keep reviewing and tell me what you think! I love this story so much. It's really just a story of L trying to find himself when no one truely knows who he is. Really, it's a story of lost people finding their way. I love those kind of stories:) And of course it has fluff in there as well! Lol. Anyway, I'm done taking up your time. Please enjoy!

**Rethinking Things He Never Knew**

**kagomes-wanna-be**

**Chapter Six:  
A Shower**

There was a shift on the bed as Light began to come back to consciousness. He pulled the blanket down from over his eyes, going through the peaceful transition from sleep to waking.

And then he opened his eyes.

"GAH!" Light flinched back from the black prying eyes that peered down at him. "Ryuzaki! What are you doing?!"

L pulled back from Light's angry tone. "I'm sorry," he quickly muttered, looking away from the flushed bow. "I was just waiting for you to wake up."

Light simply lay there for a moment, waiting for his heart to stop racing - from the shock of waking up like that, or the shock of L being that close to him he wasn't sure. He looked at L's hung head and had to stop himself from biting his lip. "Oh... How long have you been awake?"

"A few hours. I didn't sleep very long."

Light chuckled. "You never did."

L looked up at the mention of his formal self. "Really?" he asked, a small gleam in his eye.

"Yeah. You were a bit of an insomniac," Light explained with a smile. He liked that L wanted to know about himself. "That's one of the reasons you slept in that chair. You would be working on your computer all night instead of sleep."

L couldn't help but smile as Light had. "Sounds to me as though I were a self-created insomniac."

Another chuckle fell from Light's lips as he sat up and stretched. "Ah, but then you'd be sleep now."

"True," he agreed with a nod. "I'm surprised you're awake."

"Really?" Light asked.

"Yes. Most young adults your age love nothing more than to sleep as much as possible, and yet you're up at 6:30 in the morning without an alarm. You seem happy about it, too. Why is this?" L had leaned forward in his ramblings, his round eyes now gazing firmly into Light's.

__

'God, he still acts just the same,'

he mused at L's idiosyncratic nature, holding down a blush at the man's closeness. "It's just out of habit," he explained, stepping out of bed. "I've been waking up early for as long as I can remember."

L pulled back as Light stood, finally thinking straight again. Light's eyes had just pulled him in, putting him under a trance and not letting him go. They were just so easy to lose yourself in. "I'm sorry. I would hope that I got to spend my youth sleeping in."

"I just hope you weren't always an insomniac," Light admitted.

There was such a sense of care in his voice that Light almost regretted saying it. He didn't know if L had picked up on it or not, but was glad when he spoke. "How old are you, Light?" he inquired.

"I'm 18, Ryuzaki." Light pulled down a pair of nice blue jeans and a black button up shirt.

"Oh... that's rather young."

"Yes, I suppose I am," Light said with a chuckle and walked to the bathroom.

"Light?"

"Yes?" he responded, turning to face that man still perched on the bed.

L was reluctant to speak for a moment. "Do you know how old I am?"

Silence.

"No, Ryuzaki, I don't." He walked in and closed the door behind him.

--

L gently rapped on the bathroom door. "Light, are you dressed?"

"Yes, you can come in," he called back through the wood, his voice slightly muffled.

He walked in, stopping to watch Light continue to brush his teeth. It took a moment before the other male noticed the eyes on him. Once he did, he turned his head to gaze at Ryuzaki, holding down a blush. "Wha iz ih?" he asked, his voice muffled by the foaming paste in his mouth.

"Nothing," L said, shaking his head. He quickly pulled together a lie. "I've just never seen someone brush their teeth."

Light's brow came together as he pulled out the brush to speak clearer. "It's just brushing teeth, Ryuzaki."

"Maybe to you," L reminded him with a soft smile.

He walked up to the second sink - which he assumed was his - and stood there for a moment. He looked down at his sink and then over at Light's. While his was nearly empty besides a toothbrush, toothpaste, and floss, Light's was littered with face creams, cologne, and hair products.

"Are you okay?" Light asked as he noticed L just standing there.

L snapped out of his musings, his eyes meeting Light's. "Yes, fine," he quickly uttered before picking up his toothbrush. He prayed that the blush on his cheeks wasn't noticeable.

Light rose an eyebrow at his friend's odd behavior, but shrugged it off. "Do you want to take a shower, Ryuzaki? It's been a few days since you had one."

For a moment of defiance, his brain attempted to think back to the last time he had a shower. He mentally kicked himself and responded with a quick, "Yes, that would be nice." He hadn't had one since he woke up, at least.

Light gave him a soft smile and rinsed out his mouth before walking out to give him some privacy. L waited for a moment before disrobing. His hands were strangely shaking as he stepped into the shower and pulled the curtain closed.

He turned the water on warm and sucked in a deep breath at the feeling of the streams of water assaulting his skin. It felt like heaven on Earth. His eyes slid closed and he stepped further into the stream. A shiver ran down his spine as the water began to slide over his shoulders and down his back. Warmth spread through his whole body slowly, the trembling in his hands turning to a trembling of a different kind.

Never had he thought that a shower would feel this good. He didn't really think about a shower at all. His mind began to wander in its fuzzy state, wondering what else may feel so incredibly good. Perhaps a really warm, fuzzy blanket, or a breeze catching your face after a hot day.

The feel or Light's arms wrapping tight around him.

"Ryuzaki?"

L's eyes shot open at the sound of the door opening. He spun to face the doorway, almost wanting to cover himself out of embarrassment for his previous thoughts even with the shower curtain. "Yes?" His voice cracked.

"Is it alright if I come in and finish getting ready?" Light asked, speaking through the small opening but staying on the other side of the door.

Trying to get his body to calm down, L nodded his head, then realized Light couldn't see him. "Yes." His voice cracked again. _'Blood hell!'_

"Hey, are you okay?" Light asked as he pushed the door open, closing it behind him. "Your voice sounds strange."

"I'm fine, Light," Ryuzaki told him, putting a smile in his voice. "It's probably just the steam."

"Oh, alright."

Light seemed to buy the answer, so L dropped it. Silence enclosed the two men as they both continued with what they were doing. L picked up the bottle of shampoo and began to rub a small amount of it into his hair, dragging his fingers over his scalp. His eyes slid closed once again and a throaty sigh escaped his lips.

On the other side of the curtain, Light froze. What had L just done? "R-Ryuzaki?" he asked, his voice wavering.

L's eyes shot open once more and his hands froze. Gaining his wits, he spoke simply. "Yes?"

"Are you sure you're okay?" Light asked slowly, staring at the blue curtain.

"Fine, Light. You should stop worrying so much," L retorted quickly before rinsing the shampoo out of his hair. He decided that he had enough of that.

Shaking his head, Light didn't respond. He turned back towards the mirror before hearing L's voice again. "Light, could you please get me a towel?"

Light didn't say anything, just grabbed the towel from the rack on the wall and tossed it over the curtain rod. L thanked him quietly and pulled it down, wrapping it around his waist before stepping out of the shower. He felt awkward in only a towel, especially since he was in front of Light, but he tried to keep himself seeming normal.

He walked up to the wink and picked up his toothbrush and toothpaste. As he gently squeezed the substance onto the end of the brush, Light could only stare at him. Sure, he had seen L in an almost naked state plenty of times, but this was different. He normally lurched by and got dressed in the bedroom, then waited for him 'til they left. Now he was standing there, right next to him, his skin shining with water and hair pushed down around his face.

"I'm going to go put my shoes on," Light excused himself, walking out and reclosing the door behind him.

L watched his retreating form with a frown. _'Was it something I did?'_ he thought to himself.

He shook his head and began to brush his teeth before pausing for a moment. It was... bubblegum. Something about a man who was presumably older than 18 using bubblegum toothpaste seemed strange, but he pushed it away and continued with getting ready.

As he continued to brush his teeth, he couldn't help but notice the same thing as last night. He was just so... different from Light. If anything, they were complete opposites. Leaning in closer to the window, he could see circles forming under his eyes from the lack of sleep.

He rinsed out his mouth and grabbed the other towel on the rack, pressing it to his head and trying to towel his hair dry. He paused for a moment and looked at Light's sink, noticing the dozen or so items set upon it. Reaching out, he picked one up and turned it this way and that. Everything was in Japanese, so he had no idea what it was.

Looking around in a slightly paranoid fashion, he pulled off the cap and squirted some onto his hand. It appeared to be some sort of mouse. He discarded the towel on his head and stepped up to the sink. Bowing his head, he began to run his mouse covered hands through his hair, attempting to do... something.

"Ryuzaki?" came Light's voice for the umpteenth time at the door accompanied by a slight neck. "May I come in?"

L was stuck in place. What if he got caught using Light's personal items? Would the boy be mad? He could only stand there like a dear caught in the headlights.

Not hearing a response, Light pushed the door open. "Ryuzaki?"

The sight that met him made him nearly laugh out loud. L still only had the towel wrapped around his waist, his hands were covered in a white foam, and his hair was sticking out and hanging in odd fashions. But that wasn't what made him want to laugh. He had the most innocent, frightened look on his face - like a child getting caught finger painting on the walls.

It looked adorable.

"What are you doing?" Light asked with a soft voice, tilting his head to the side and smiling.

"I-I..." L cleared his throat and stood straighter. He wanted to show some semblance of a man and not a crook. "I just thought I might borrow some of Light's hair products. He seems to be fond of them, and I wanted to know what it was like."

Light's smile only grew. "You never were a fan of them before," he conceded. "But here's a word to the wise: mouse doesn't work with wet hair."

As if on que, a piece of soppy hair fell in front of L's eyes and he pouted. Light chuckled and shook his head. He stepped forward and pulled out a hairdryer from below the sink. It wasn't very often that he used it, but it came in handy every once in a while.

L's eyes widened as he saw the appliance. "What are you doing, Light?"

"I'm going to do your hair for you," he explained with a smile. In all honesty, he had wanted to for a long time now, and finally he had the chance. He wasn't going to pass it up.

"Are you sure?" L asked, unconsciously biting his lip. "I don't want to be a bother."

"You're not a bother at all," Light told him before picking up his hairbrush and turning on the hairdryer.

--

"Done," Light announced with a bright smile as he finally stopped playing with L's hair.

L glanced up at Light curiously before looking at himself in the mirror. He looked... good. His hair was still slightly ruffled as before, but in a way that said it should look like that. It was partially separated as though it was going to be spiked, but his hair was obviously too long for that. His bangs were still in his face, but not covering it completely. It was like fake version of bedhead, only much better looking.

"So what do you think?" Light asked eagerly.

"It looks... very good," he admitted, looking up at Light and giving him a smile. "Thank you, Light. I look far more presentable now."

Light opened his mouth to say something, but stopped. "Wait, you just did this to look more 'presentable'?" he asked, his brow coming together. "Ryuzaki, why do you think you would need to do that? You look good without having to do your hair or anything like that."

L's eyes lit up for a second. "You think I look good?" he asked hopefully.

It took a second for Light to comprehend what had happened. "Yes... Ryuzaki... I think you look good," he answered finally. A sheepish grin played on his lips as he stared at his friend.

A bright smile spread across L's face. "Thank you, Light."

"It's no problem. But we should get moving before we're any later than necessary. You stay here and I'll go get your clothes." Light turned and briskly walked out of the small room.

They had both managed to successfully ignore each other's blushes.

**AN: **Heeeeee. I've been wanting to write that forever:D I love fluff, and I know that I've always wanted to play with L's hair, so I thought I'd let Light do it instead:) Fangirls gotta spread the love:P Now, just as a note, I wanted to say that L has a lot of his old personality traits and thought processes and such because generally the subconscious is still totally intact when something like this happens, so it is very likely for him to do many of the same things he used to and not even realize it.  
Anyway, that was chapter six and I hope you liked it! Ahhhh the fun you can have with an amnesiac:D

Go, be merry, and review.

kagomes-wanna-be


	7. Chapter 7

**SLIGHTLY EDITED FOR NAME MISUSE**

**AN: **Ahhhh! Over a month! It's been too long! I'm sorry that it took so long to get this chapter up, but school and dance classes and stuff have really been taken up my time. It's a little bit of an in between chapter, but it's kinda cute:) Please let me know what you think, and I'll try to get back to you as soon as possible.

**Rethinking Things He Never Knew**

**kagomes-wanna-be**

**Chapter Seven:  
A Doctor**

A specialist's office can be an uncomfortable place. Because they are a specialist, and a person in their special field is rare, they don't care about attracting you through warm colors and entertaining portraits on the walls. In the end, if you need to go to them, then you're going to them. At least the magazines were normally up to date.

If only L could read.

Watari had brought L a few books to occupy his time during the working hours at headquarters, but the symbols had proven as useless as the ones on the toiletry bottles he had found in the bathroom. They had quickly opted for a CD player and a conjoined mix of CDs, many in other languages that he discovered he knew as well. It was strange to discover a knowledge of maybe half a dozen languages.

How many languages did he know? Just how smart was he?

'_I must be quite intelligent if my reputation follows true,' _he deduced silently. _'They said I had solved cases all over the world, and with the secrecy of my person I doubt that I'd hire a translator for each different case. And my deductive skills must have been quite impressive as well.'_

He opened his mouth to question Watari about some of the cases he had worked on, but quickly rethought the action. 'It is of the utmost importance,' Watari had explained earlier that day, 'that you do not speak of who you are or what you do to anyone. You are not L the detective outside of this building. You are Ryuga Hideki, entrepreneur.' The words rung through his head, and he knew he had to be careful - if not to protect his identity then to remain on the free side of an insane asylum.

"Watari, how many languages do I speak?" he asked, opting for another question instead. It didn't seem like a harmful question.

"Approximately 27, Mr. Ryuga," Watari answered simply.

L's eyes widened even more so than normally as he sputtered out, "Approximately?"

"Yes, approximately. It is quite possible that you know a few more that I am not aware of."

His mouth formed a small circle as he let out a silent 'Oh' and looked down at the gray carpet. _'Wow… I really am smart,'_ he thought, astonished. It wasn't uncommon to find people who spoke two languages fluently, no. Though once you got to three, four, maybe five the numbers began to dwindle. But 27!?

His head was spinning. He gripped the arms of the chair a little tighter. He was feeling overwhelmed.

He wanted Light.

A door opened across from him and his large eyes snapped up to the receptionist standing in the doorway. She seemed slightly taken aback by his intense gaze, but she forced her best smile. "Mr. Ryuga? Dr. Kyoji is ready to see you."

L couldn't move, not quite yet. He was still attempting to get the room to stop spinning around him. If he tried to stand up now then he was sure to fall.

"Mr. Ryuga?" Watari asked in a very butler-ish way as he place a worried hand on his shoulder. "Are you alright, sir?"

"Fine," he managed to croak out. "Just fine." He took a deep breath and managed to push himself up. It took a moment to gain his stability, but he finally did.

"Right this way."

The two men followed the woman in silence. Watari kept a wary eye on L, watching for any signs that should worry him. They arrived at a doorway, and they two turned to walk in, but the lady stopped Watari. "I'm sorry, sir, but Mr. Ryuga will have to go in by himself." With that she bowed and walked away.

They looked at each other for a moment before Watari broke the silence. "I'll be waiting for you once you're done."

"Thank you Watari," L said gently as he turned and walked into what he was sure was his impending doom.

--

L HATED the doctor.

The appointment may not have been his doom, but he certainly felt like he was going to die. He had been asked question after question, looked at picture after picture, told lie after lie. He was praying that he'd never have to say the words "I don't know" again in his life. At least the man spoke English.

He wasn't quite sure how long he'd been in the stuffy room, but it felt like hours. There wasn't a single clock in the place for him to determine the truth. Dr. Kyoji had a single watch on his wrist that he checked avidly, only making L more nervous. What was he in such a hurry about?

"Well that was the last of the form questions," Dr. Kyoji stated, checking his watch. "Now, lets talk about your experiences since you've lost your memories."

'_Light.'_

It was the first thing that came to his mind. It was the first thing that would ALWAYS came to his mind. Almost the whole time that he had been in that room he was sitting there thinking of Light - how much he wished he was there, if English was the only other language he knew, if he was gay. He spent a particular amount of time on that one.

"What would you like to know?" he asked politely, making sure his nails weren't digging into his palms too bad.

"How have you been responding to the information about your life?" the doctor asked, leaning back into his chair.

L felt more like he was in a psychologists office than a 'Mental Rehabilitists' office. He responded anyway. "I've been responding accordingly. A little shocked, a little surprised, mostly just… neutral."

"Neutral? How so?" he checked his watch again.

"Just… neutral. Neither here nor there," he said with a shrug. "I think it's mostly 'cause I don't know how to react. They're trying to tell me all these things about my life, but should I be happy or sad? Should I be scared or excited for what's to come?" Before he knew it, he was actually spilling his most inner thoughts to the detestable man before him. "I guess… I don't want them to tell me about my life, but how to react to it. I want them to tell me who I was, not what I did…"

The man just nodded his head, and for once he didn't check his wrist. "Have you told any of them this?"

"What?" L asked, surprised by the question. "Oh, um… no, I haven't," he admitted, shaking his head.

"Well don't you think that would make it hard for them to do so then?" Dr. Kyoji asked with raised eyebrows.

L found himself not liking the man again. "Yes, but… I don't feel like bothering them with petty things. They have their own problems to deal with."

He cleared his throat and sat forward again, resting his elbows on his desk. "Mr. Ryuga, I'm sure there's at least one person out there who you'd be willing to talk to. Everyone has someone who cares enough to listen to them. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and I'm sure that person's name will come to mind."

But L didn't need to close his eyes, and he didn't need to take a deep breath. He already had a name.

'_Light.'_

--

Light walked out of the bathroom in his pajamas, setting his shoes next to the closet. He couldn't help but notice the quiet state that L had been in since he got back from the doctor's. It bothered him to see his friend like that. He wanted to ask how it had gone, but he didn't want to intrude on the private meeting that he had.

"Are you okay, Ryuzaki? You seem rather quiet tonight," Light finally commented, sitting on the bed next to him.

"Hm?" L asked quietly as he looked up at Light. "Oh, yes, fine Light. Thank you for the concern."

L gave Light a small smile that made his heart flutter. "I just wanted to make sure that everything was okay. I was worried that maybe something happened at your appointment."

"The appointment was fine. Just a bunch of questions really."

"About what?" Light asked, unable to hold back his curiosity. He layed back on the bed, staying well on his side.

"About what I knew and if anything had come back at all, really." L remained where he was for a moment before scooting back to join Light on the bed.

"Oh, alright." Light nodded his head. He stared up at the ceiling blankly before asking, "So… has anything?"

For a second, L thought about lying. He almost wanted to tell him that he felt like something was coming back, or that one single, inkling of a memory was coming through. "No," he answered finally, deciding not to lie to his friend.

A soft sigh escaped Light's lips as he looked back up at the ceiling. "Come on, we should go to bed."

The two of them climbed under the blankets together, remaining their normal distance apart, backs facing to each other. Light could only wish for them to be even a fraction closer to each other, but he knew that couldn't happen. L was probably still questioning their relationship completely. He'd be lucky if the man would even still want to be his friend.

"Hey Light?"

The sudden voice surprised him and he looked over his shoulder at its occupant. "Yes Ryuzaki?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

L turned over, trying to keep the nervous expression off his face. Something seemed so intimate about the whole situation, but he didn't want it to be. The less intimate the situation, the clearer his head would remain. However, his hope for a non intimate atmosphere was destroyed as Light rolled over as well, pushing them even closer to each other.

"What did you want to ask?" Light asked, tilting his head to the side.

"I-I… Well, um…" He couldn't form the words. What was he supposed to ask anyway?

"Ryuzaki… What is it?" Light asked, his eyes full of concern for his friend. All he wanted to do was make sure that he was okay. Anything he could to help make sure of that was worth it.

When L finally responded, his voice was almost inaudible. "Tell me about myself."

"What?"

"Tell me about myself," he repeated, his voice more confident this time.

Light was taken aback by the sudden interest in his life. "Um… What do you want to know?"

"… Everything. Everything that you know."

There was a silence in the room. Where should he start? There was so much and yet so little to tell L about himself. He was so secretive that it was hard to tell him anything of value. He could start with what he thought about his weird actions and ideas, but that could lead to dangerous topics that he'd rather not explore.

Instead, as a soft smile spread across his lips, he began with the obvious.

"Well you love sweets…"

**AN: **Heee. He loves sweets:D Lol. I thought that was a cute end to the chapter. It's not as long as the other chapters, but it's good. And I'm beginning a new game! It's called "Spot the Irony!" This fic is so slam packed with it that I can hardly stand it. So do it! Lol. Alright, so it's kinda late and I'm going to bed. Remember to tell me what you think! Thanks!

Go, be merry, and review.

kagomes-wanna-be


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: **Sorry it's been so long. I've been really busy, and honestly just kind of lazy:P I really wanted to get this with a couple of other stories updated for Valentine's, but unfortunately this one didn't make it. Oh well. Better late than never:) Please enjoy.

**Rethinking Things He Never Knew**

**kagomes-wanna-be**

**Chapter Eight:  
A Breaking Heart**

His eyes burned like someone had poured alcohol into them. They were red where they should be white and the veins that ran through them were painfully noticeable. Luckily, none of the others had asked why they were like this, but it was possibly because they had seen it a few other times throughout the course of the investigation.

Light had stayed up late with L, telling him everything that he could think about him and answering his questions. "I'm not sure if you like normal food, Ryuzaki… I've never seen you eat normal food, Ryuzaki… No, I don't know if you like pizza… Yes, I like pizza… You want to try pizza, Ryuzaki?… Maybe we can get some tomorrow… Now? We can't get pizza now… No, we cannot send Watari!… Because Watari would be angry about being sent to go get pizza at 1AM!"

And he had been.

Light suppressed a chuckle as he remembered the annoyed look Watari had on his face when he and L walked into the investigation room that morning. He had been too tired the night before to bother with any hatred-filled faces.

Though, Light had to admit, the burning eyes, lack of attentiveness, and looks from Watari were worth it for the personal time he got with the man now twirling in his chair behind him. It would seem that L as a normal person was very chatty, because it went even beyond himself. After Light could explain as much about L as he could - not much, considering the detective had always tried as hard as possible to keep himself a secret - he began asking all about Light. It seemed that he wanted to know as much about Light just to hear what a normal life was like.

Not that being a champion tennis player and prodigal genius counted much as normal.

It was weird talking to L about his life. Before, the man had only cared about what happened in his life during the time of the Kira killings. He had never shown any actual interest in Light or his life, and that realization only gave him the depressing thought that L had never liked him. Not the way that he liked L.

"Hey!"

The group turned to look over at the shouter, who happened to be Matsuda. "What is it now, Matsuda?" Aizawa asked in annoyance.

Matsuda stopped for a moment as he noticed everyone's peeved stares, clearing his throat. "I just wanted to show you guys something that I got," he said, walking towards L, the only friendly face in the room.

L gazed at him curiously, wanting to know what he had. Matsuda lifted up the bag he had in his hand, which had the logo to an electronics store on it. L tried to peer in the bag as Matsuda opened it.

The others turned back to what they were doing. Light tried to pay no attention, but couldn't help overhearing what they were saying.

"I stopped by the electronics store this morning to look at prices for a camera, since I don't have one of my own, and I got side tracked into computer softwares, when I found this." He reached into the bag to pull out the box he had inside, but Mogi interrupted him.

"You mean you were late for work because you were shopping?" His voice was annoyed, and the others turned to look at him as well.

"Well, I, uh…" Matsuda tripped and stumbled over his words. He swallowed, nervous over everyone staring at him.

L frowned. He understood that Matsuda shouldn't have been late to the investigation, but he didn't understand why everyone was being so harsh on him. Obviously he was a slightly awkward man, and their hard stares didn't help at all.

"Let's not waste our own research time on Matsuda. Everyone get back to work," Light said, his voice even. The others looked at him before returning to work. L looked over at Light and couldn't help a small smile, though he wasn't looking.

Matsuda cleared his throat, looking back to L. "Well, what I was saying, was that I found this," he said, pulling out a bow of software from the bag and handing it to L.

L inspected it, looking it over. The most of the box he couldn't read, but the picture on the front of the box was two computers linked together, and on one, written in English read, "Hello. How are you?" It was simple and meaningless, but he could read it, which already made him happy.

Matsuda saw the smile on his face and was egged on. "It's a translator program," he told him excitedly. "You upload it onto a computer, and then you can type anything into it you want, hit translate, and it'll come up in Japanese!"

He had the others' attention by now, and they turned towards him. "You mean that we can write to each other?" Soichiro asked.

"Yeah!" Matsuda said. "Well, no," he corrected himself. "We can't write to each other, 'cause the program only goes from English to Japanese, but he can write what he wants to say, then we can read it, and just speak back to him. He understands what we're saying, we just need to be able to understand him."

There was a silence in the room before Aizawa nodded his head. "Wow, Matsuda. You might have actually done good on this one," he said with a laugh.

"Yes, Matsuda, it was a good find," Light complimented. "But did you happen to pick up an English typing keyboard while you were at it?"

Matsuda opened his mouth, then closed it. He looked down at the bag in his hands, speaking a soft no. Everyone sighed, shaking their head at Matsuda's usual form of one track thinking, and went back to their work.

L saw the shamed look on Matsuda's face. He still didn't understand why they could be so hard on him. He was nice, and he was trying. Not everything he planned went according to plan, and he said some stupid things sometimes, but he really was trying. L stared over at Light. Light was normally so nice, and always seemed ready to help, yet he was so willing to put down Matsuda.

With a soft sigh, Matsuda moved to return to his usual desk, but L reached out and grabbed his arm. Matsuda looked back in surprise, not used to L touching him - or anyone, for that matter.

"Thank you."

Matsuda had to think for a moment. He racked his brain for the bit of English he had learned in high school, trying to remember what L had just said. Finally he did, and with a bright smile returned one of the only phrases he remembered. "You're welcome."

L smiled widely up at Matsuda. He had to hold back a chuckle at the man's broken English, his thick accent making him rather hard to understand. With a sigh, he let go of Matsuda's arm and continued to spin around in his chair as he stared down at the box in his hands.

Light watched L release Matsuda's wrist with a clenched jaw. The look L had given him… he couldn't stand it. He looked confused and hurt. Why did L look at him like that? He hadn't done anything wrong…

Had he?

--

L sat on the bed as Light brushed his teeth. The soft sound of running water helped keep L calm. His eyes were closed and his breathing was evened. If anyone had seen him, they might think he was meditating.

Light turned off the sink and walked back into the bedroom, pausing a moment to stare at his companion. "Are you alright, Ryuzaki?" he asked, his voice concerned.

L's eyes popped open, and he smiled at his companion. "Yes, Light, I'm fine," he told him. "Just thinking is all."

"Oh? About what?" Light asked. He moved over to where he had placed his suit jacket earlier, picking it up and moving over to hang it up.

There was a pause in L's voice. "Nothing." He had said the word too fast, and Light rose an eyebrow.

"Nothing? Really?"

"Yes, nothing," L said. His voice was slightly defensive, which had Light worried. What had he been thinking about?

"Was it about the doctor's visit? Is that why you can't talk about it?" he asked, closing the closet door.

The question caught L off guard. His brow furrowed as he tilted his head to the side. "Why would you say that?"

"Oh, I don't know," Light said with a shrug as he sat next to him on the bed. "Sometimes when people go to a psychologists office, they talk about… personal things. Or things that they wouldn't talk about anywhere else."

L listened intently, but his eyes didn't lift from his hands. Light saw his friend's unusual demeanor and bit his lip. Why was he so closed in? Was it something that L didn't want Light to know? Was it about Light?

Without realizing it, his heartbeat began to quicken. His nerves began to dig at him, but he fought them off. Something akin to hope was settling in his heart. "You know that you can talk to me, right?" Light was trying to sound comforting. "Anything that you need to say, or think you should say… you can tell me."

His heart was pounding. What was L going to say? What if he said something about Light? What if this was it?

"Why were you so mean to Matsuda?"

He felt as though his body crashed. That wasn't the question he had been expecting, nor the one that he had wanted. It took him a moment to recover from his disappointment. He shouldn't have even been expecting anything.

"What do you mean?" he finally managed to ask, his voice even.

"You were mean to him earlier. And it wasn't even just you. Everyone was being mean to him." L's voice was soft as he spoke. "He was only trying to do something nice for me."

Light's jaw clenched at the way that L was speaking about Matsuda. Matsuda was… flakey, and he needed to be reminded of that sometimes. He needed to be kept in check, or Light couldn't imagine the duties he'd forget to do. "I know he was doing something for you, but that still doesn't give him an excuse to be late," Light tried to explain. "We're working on a very important murder case. Thousands upon thousands of people have already been killed. No one can be given any leniency."

L's eyes didn't lift from his hands as he slowly nodded his head. He understood what Light said, but he still didn't agree. "I still don't agree," he told him out loud. Light had said that L could say anything to him, right? "I think you were all being too harsh on him. He may not be the brightest of bulbs, and I'm sure you think you're doing something good, but he's really getting down on himself. It only makes him want to try harder, and eventually he'll end up REALLY messing something up."

The way that L was talking about Matsuda made Light's ears heat up. Why was he so inclined to the man? Just because he bought him a computer software program? "Alright. I'll… try to be easier on him next time," Light said, trying to ease everything over. "But for now, I think we need some sleep."

With a soft nod of his head, L gently slid back towards the headboard. He and Light got under the covers in silence, turned off the lights in silence, and tried to go to sleep in silence. It was killing L; the way that Light's voice had been so strained, the way that he wasn't planning on saying goodnight.

"Goodnight, Light." L couldn't stand it. He needed to say goodnight to him. He needed Light to say it back.

A second's silence passed before Light responded with a soft, "Goodnight."

L didn't smile at how he sounded, though. It wasn't in his usual, soft voice. It was strained, just as before, and hard. L tried to ignore it and rolled over, away from Light, pretending to go to sleep.

Light was only pretending as well. He couldn't get images of L and Matsuda, sitting at the same computer, laughing as they actually SPOKE to each other out of his head. Matsuda had been smart enough to wait until after investigation hours, luckily, or he would've gotten in lots of trouble. Light had to stay, however. It was his job to stay with L wherever he went, as though the chain binding them together was still in place. He had sat, silently, listening to them laugh, hearing the one sided comments made by Matsuda followed by L's fingers clicking away at the keyboard.

No matter what else he tried to think of, it was the only thing on his mind. L and Matsuda, L and Matsuda, L and Matsuda. Why was L so fascinated with Matsuda? Why was he so inclined to fight for him?

Why did Light care?

He would've let out a disgruntled breath had he not been pretending to sleep. His chest was clenching, and he felt almost like he was having a heart attack. He knew he wasn't, though. As ridiculous as it sounded, he realized that he was having a heart break.

All he wanted was L. All he wanted was L all for himself. And now, L wanted Matsuda, and Matsuda could have him. They could have each other.

And, not for the first time in his life, Light would be all alone.

**AN:**

**Happy President's Day:D  
(And Family Day to you Canadians:D)**

Go, be merry, and review.


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: **Thank you to all my readers for everything. I'm so sorry that it took SOOO long to get this up, but I'm hoping that it's worth it:) Sorry if there are errors, it was written really fast, and I don't have time to edit it because I really need to leave. I just really want to get this up for you guys, because otherwise I won't be able to until really late tonight. I can tell you that this is the chapter we've all been waiting anxiously for. I hope you enjoy it!

**Rethinking Things He Never Knew**

**kagomes-wanna-be**

**Chapter Nine:  
A Storm**

Light was silent as the task force began to pack up for the day. He was becoming increasingly frustrated with the progress of the case, which, currently, was none. There were no breakthroughs, no new leads and really nothing to do. The men spent their days looking through the data of new deaths, the hundreds of new "I am Kira" threats, and that was it. That was all there was to do anymore.

There was tension building between the men and himself. They all expected so much of him. They wanted him to be L, to prove himself, but there was nothing to prove himself on! He was sure that even if L was himself, he wouldn't find anything else either.

"Well I'm going home," Mogi said as he stretched. "Same time tomorrow, boss?"

Ignoring the mocking tone of Mogi's voice, Light simply nodded his head in answer.

One by one, the other member's of the task force followed, until the only one's left were L, Matsuda and his father. L and Matsuda were "talking" to each other at Matsuda's computer, and Light was fighting his need to glare at them.

"Shouldn't you be doing something more productive with your time, Matsuda?" Light asked.

Matsuda looked up from the computer screen, his eyes innocent. "Oh, uh, I-I'm sorry Light. I assumed that it was okay since everyone was gone. I thought we were done working."

"It is after hours, Light," L pointed out. He stared at the teenager confused, wondering why he was getting on Matsuda so bad.

Light returned L's stare, trying to keep his teeth from grinding together. For some reason, it infuriated him that he was fighting Matsuda's case. But really, why wouldn't he? Matsuda was nice, friendly, cute.

Light stopped. _'Did I really just call Matsuda cute?'_

He couldn't believe what was happening. He was at the end of his rope. Now he was talking about Matsuda being cute? He always knew that he had been attracted to guys, but he'd never gone around calling them cute. Except for L, of course. He'd always thought L was cute.

"If it's really that big of a problem," Matsuda started, bringing Light back to reality, "then we could go somewhere else to talk. I have a computer at my apartment."

He choked on the air he breathed in. All he wanted to do at that point was scream at Matsuda. But more, he wanted to scream at L because the look on his face suggested that he wouldn't be against it. "Do you really think that would be wise, Matsuda?" he asked, trying to keep the acid out of his voice.

"What's so wrong about it? It'd be nice to get out of this place," L said, looking at Light disbelievingly.

Light returned the look, his composure slowly slipping away, making his jaw tense. "With your condition, Ryuzaki, I really don't think you should be going anywhere unsupervised."

"I won't be unsupervised. Matsuda will be there with me."

"That isn't what I meant, Ryuzaki."

Matsuda and Soichiro were left to stare on in confusion. Light had slipped into English while speaking with L, having become used to it.

"Then what did you mean, _Light_?" L spat out.

Light sat there in surprise. The only time he had heard L speak with such emotion in his voice was when he had woken up in the hospital; never had he spoken with such malice. What had he done to make him so angry?

Watari walked into the room, breaking up the conversation before Light had a chance to respond. He know he was lucky. He hadn't had anything to say back.

But then the luck ended.

"Miss Misa has asked to come down for a visit."

_'Oh shit.' _Light's eyes couldn't have gotten any bigger.

"Misa Misa?" Matsuda asked excitedly, standing up from his chair.

"Who's Misa?" L asked, looking at Light for the answer.

"Uh…" Again, he found himself without anything to say. How was he supposed to describe this?

Suddenly, the door opened, and a small-framed blonde woman appeared in the room. "Light!" she called as soon as her eyes landed on the boy, rushing to him. "Misa Misa has missed you," she said, throwing her arms around him.

"I… I've missed you as well, Misa," Light forced out. He wrapped one arm around her shoulders, trying to keep the embrace as non-intimate as possible.

L stared on at the transition blankly. He didn't believe he was seeing the sight before him. There wasn't anyway that this woman was real. There was no way that she was really there, with her arms wrapped around Light.

His Light.

Misa looked around the room, her eyes stopping on L. She tilted her head to the side, appraising him. "Why does Ryuzaki look so funny?"

"I'm sorry, do I know you?"

Her face twisted. "What did he just call me?!"

Light sighed, looking over the young woman's head as he pulled back from her. "Nothing, Misa. He's speaking English."

"English?" She turned her gaze back to Light's face. "He speaks English."

"Fluently," L popped in.

Her head snapped to look at him, making another face.

"Misa, there are a few things that you need to be informed about." Looking past her, L made a gesture to the man by the door. "Watari, would you mind taking Misa to the lobby?"

Watari nodded his head, stepping forward and taking Misa by the elbow to lead her out of the room.

"Wait!" she protested. "Why can't Light talk to me?"

"I'm sorry Misa, but there are more pressing matters I need to attend to first." For the first time, Light was positively happy that L had hit his head that day. "I'll be with you in just a moment."

Misa pouted, but decided to not put up a fight as she was lead out of the room. "I'll be waiting!"

He didn't respond as the door closed behind her.

"Would you like me to go talk to her, Light?" Matsuda offered, the same grin on his face as always.

"No, I will take care of it."

"Well," Soichiro cleared his throat before continuing, "I think I'll be going home for the night. Goodnight Ryuzaki, Matsuda, son."

"I think I'll be going with you," Matsuda replied with a stretch. "It really has gotten late."

Matsuda collected his things, and turned off his computer. Draping his coat over his arm, he turned to the two waiting in the room. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight," Light responded, bowing his head slightly.

Matsuda returned the bow before he and Soichiro left. The only two left were Light and L. Realizing that L hadn't said goodbye, Light turned to the other man. He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it just as quickly. L sat there with a detested look on his face, staring down at nothing.

Silence reigned over the two. Light was too afraid to say anything. Had he really made the man that angry?

"I'm going to the room." L stood up, putting his hands in his pockets.

Light stared at him. It took him a moment, but he finally nodded his head. "I'll be up in a minute. I shouldn't have to talk to Misa for too long."

"Have fun."

Light watched as L stalked out of the room. His chest clenched in pain. Perhaps he'd reach the end of his rope sooner than he thought.

--

L sat on the bed in silence. He gazed out the window, watching as the drops of rain pelted against the glass across the room. He just didn't understand it. While he understood that he had never asked, he would have liked to think that Light would tell him if he had a girlfriend.

_'But why would he?'_

L thought bitterly. _'What obligation does he have to tell me if he's in a relationship? It's not like he's my boyfriend.'_

The thought saddened him. Despite the fact that he wasn't, L knew that he would always want him to be. L knew that being in this room with Light was never going to be good for him. For the first time, he dreaded the thought of Light coming back.

'_It isn't surprising that he has a girlfriend. He's a very attractive, intelligent boy. Sure, he can speak a little harshly at times, but I know he means well. He always means well.'_

He couldn't take it. All he wanted was someone to make him feel better, but the only person who could make him feel better was Light, who was the one person he didn't want to see right now. The vicious cycle just didn't end, and it was tearing him apart.

The door opened, making him jump suddenly. He turned to stare at the door with his wide yes, seeing Light enter the room. He felt his heart skip a beat as his stomach dropped.

Light looked at L, seeing him perched on the bed with his legs pulled up tight, as normal. "What are you thinking about?" he asked, seeing the look on the other man's face.

"Nothing," L replied, turning to look back out the window.

Light noticed once again how much L was like his old self. He had his legs pulled up to his chest, his thumb stuck between his teeth. His gaze was still wide and enchanting, just as it had been whenever he would get lost in thought before the accident. They were so different, but so alike._ 'I wonder if he'll stay like this after…' He wouldn't let himself finish the thought._

"Are you sure?" Light asked. He walked over to the mini-fridge, searching for a water bottle. "You seem preoccupied."

He took a drink from his water, but received no answer. "Ryuzaki?" He turned to face the detective.

But he wasn't there.

--

"Ryuzaki! Ryuzaki!" Light had started to panic. It could be heard in his voice. Five minutes he had been searching for the detective and he still hadn't found him; he still hadn't responded.'What the hell could I have done to make him run away? Did he actually run away? Where the hell does he have to go?'

"Ryuzaki!" he yelled again, but a roar of thunder from overhead drowned out the noise.

A door opened at the end of the hall, and his heart beat faster. "Ryuzaki, are you there?"

Watari walked out of the room, making Light's face drop as he spotted the elderly man.

"Mr. Yagami what is going on?" Watari asked, walking towards the boy in a hurry. The panic in Light's voice had him on alert. "Has Ryuzaki left?"

"I don't know where he is!" Light huffed out. He pressed his palms over his eyes, trying to make everything go away. "One second, we were both in our room, and the next, he was gone and the door was open. Where would he want to go?" He grabbed Watari by the shoulders, looking at him desperately for answers.

Watari was silent. He honestly couldn't think of a single place that this new L would want to go. "He's probably just exploring, trying to clear his head. He's like a little kid right now. I doubt he's left the building," Watari explained, trying to be helpful.

But it didn't help. Light knew that the building was enormous. L could stay hidden in here for weeks before anyone found him.

"Keep your phone on you, Mr. Yagami. I will begin heading downstairs and you will head up. Leave no room unopened, do you understand?" Watari asked earnestly.

Light nodded his head, not saying anything as he went down the hall to the staircase. He knew that the elevator would take too long to go floor by floor, so he jumped the steps two at a time, searching every room on every floor.

When there were no doors left, and no L to be found, Light was faced with the door to the roof. Another clap of thunder sounded over head._ 'Would Ryuzaki really want to go out there?'_

But he didn't give it a chance. He knew that he didn't really know the man that well, so he couldn't miss anything. Pushing the door open, he stepped out under the awning, welcomed to a sight of sheeting down rain.

He had to squint his eyes to see out onto the roof, the water splashing from the awning so thick that it was almost impenetrable. "Ryuzaki?" he called. His voice was lost in the water. "Ryuzaki!"

"Light?" The voice was barely audible, but it was there.

"Ryuzaki!" Light called back, still trying to see through the cascading water. It was hopeless, he could never find him like that. He stepped through the curtain of water and called again.

He finally saw him. On the other side of the roof, L had hidden himself under the awning of a maintenance shack. His head was clear from the rain, but water still swirled around his bare feet.

"Ryuzaki, what are you doing?" Light asked, walking towards him through the rain.

L had his arms wrapped around him, crouched into his normal position. His hair was flat against his head, and his white shirt was all but see through from water. "I don't like the thunder," he said back, flinching as a boom sounded in the distance. "I wanted to feel the rain, but it turns out that I don't like thunder."

Light stared blankly. All he had wanted to do was feel the rain on his skin. He couldn't blame him for that. L couldn't remember the feel of rain pouring down on him, or the smell of a storm getting closer and closer. He couldn't remember anything.

"Ryuzaki," he started, holding his hand out. "Come on, let's go back to the room."

"No."

Light blanched. "What?"

"I'm not going back with you, Light," he snapped, a shudder going down his spine.

"Don't be ridiculous! Look at you! You're shivering!" Light called in annoyance.

"I don't care!" L cried back, standing up. "I'm not going anywhere with you!"

A stab was sent right through Light's chest. He wanted to ask what he had done, but his first instinct was to argue back. "Why not, Ryuzaki? You need to get out of the rain!"

"No I don't!" he retorted. He stepped out into the rain, letting it beat down on him like it had been beating down on L. "You see, I'm fine in the rain. I'm staying right here!"

Light was really mad by now. The man was just being stupid. He would have never thought that L was capable of this behavior. "What the hell is wrong with you!?" Light screamed, unable to hold back.

"You!"

Light stopped breathing.

"You are what is wrong with me!"

His mind stopped working.

"I don't bloody understand it, Light!" L cried, clawing at his hair. "I don't understand how you can be so nice to me when we're in private, but be so rude to everyone else. Especially Matsuda! You promised, Light! You said that you were going to try to be nicer to him, but you were ruder today than you've ever been. You were just a plain asshole."

Light finally opened his mouth to say something, wanting to fight back, but was cut off.

"And you don't even tell me that you have a girlfriend?" His eyes looked betrayed, sending another shot of pain through Light. "Yes, fine, we're only roommates, but I thought we were also friends. I thought you were my friend, Light! But you don't even tell me something like that?"

Light's mind returned in full force as he watched the man pace back and forth during his tirade. Each step took him closer and closer to the edge of the roof. "Ryuzaki!" Light called, taking a step towards him. "Ryuzaki, watch where you're walking!"

"I don't have to listen to you! I'm a fully capable adult man!"

"Ryuzaki!"

"No!" He spun to face Light. His foot slipped.

Light screamed. He didn't scream for Ryuzaki, he didn't scream for the alias. He screamed for L.

"L!!"

There was no thought as he rushed forward. He grabbed the man by his hand, pulling him from the edge of the building and to him. L hit his chest and gripped at whatever he could to stabilize his feet, clinging to the other man desperately. Light's chest pounded and his ears rang, his arms wrapped as tight and protectively around L as they possibly could.

For a moment, they just stood there. They took in what just happened, what almost happened, and they had nothing to say. They were too frightened to say anything.

Slowly, they pulled back from each other. They didn't let go, but they looked into each other's faces as the rain poured down on both of them.

"You… you saved me," L whispered, his eyes even wider than normal.

Light stared down at him through dripping bangs, and let a soft smile grace his features. "L…" he whispered, not thinking to call the man by anything else. "I'll never let you get hurt."

Their hearts raced, their breath mixed together, their minds stopped working.

They kissed.

**AN: **I hope you liked it:)

Go, be merry, and review.

kagomes-wanna-be


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